Hannibal Review Season 3 Ep.5 Dolce Review

PREVIOUSLY ON HANNIBAL: Both Will and Hannibal were unceremoniously tossed from great heights. Battered, broken, bruised, and bloody, they continue to take their goddamn sweet ass time to reunite at their telepathically agreed upon meeting place. Jack looks on in mild surprise.

The episode opens with a bloody Hannibal limping through the luckily empty streets of Florence, only stopping to fashion a tourniquet for his leg.

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When he gets home, Bedelia puts that MD of hers to good use and bathes and stitches up his wounds but doesn’t seem very happy about it.

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Meanwhile, Jack watches as the police cut Pazzi’s body down from the Museum window. It looks like the bowel cleanup crew must have come in earlier in the day because they’re nowhere to be seen.

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While Jack is distracted by the proceedings, Will pulls a batman and appears out of nowhere behind Jack and calls out his name. Jack looks at him in surprise. Luckily, he doesn’t ask about Will’s injuries, avoiding an potentially awkward conversation about Will being tossed from a train by a woman he may or may not have coerced into murder, flipping 1003 times through the air, and being led to Florence by a raven feathered stag.

They relocate to the museum to talk about Hannibal. Jack thinks Hannibal’s worried, but Will doesn’t think Hannibal gets worried. This is true. Not only does Hannibal never worry, he also is pretty bad at pretending to be worried.

Will asks if Jack told the police that they were looking for Hannibal Lecter, and Jack pointed out that everyone would become vigilante bounty hunters if they knew who he really was, and Hannibal would just slip away in the confusion.

EXCUSE ME but that scenario sounds awesome. I’m imagining an epic chase scene with Hannibal being pursued on his motorcycle throughout Italy by amateur bounty hunters riding Vespas and gondolas (the two most popular modes of transport in Italy, as is generally known). Kind of like Mad Max, but with more cannibalism and water imagery.

Anyway, Will admits that a part of him will always want to slip away with Hannibal. Jack is like Yeah, all right, dude, you gotta reign that shit in.

Will asks Jack why he didn’t kill him. Jack says that maybe he needs Will to kill him. I guess this is a valid reason? Like in a thematically satisfying kind of way? But practically speaking, Jack, if you have the drop on Hannibal Lecter, you take that shit as the gift it is and fucking run with it.

Over at Hannibal and Bedelia’s abode, Hannibal is very unworriedly drawing the view from the window, while Bedelia packs him a bag to help hasten his (decidedly slow) escape.

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When Hannibal notices that she’s packed just one bag, she tells him that she’s planning on parting ways with him:

“I knew that you intended to eat me,” she says, “and I knew that you had no intention of eating me hastily.”

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After extracting an assurance that Hannibal will tell the police what she wants him to about her involvement, she says while kissing him, “You may make a meal of me yet, Hannibal…but not today,” and flounces out of the impossible situation that she got herself into like the fucking badass she is.

After the credits, Cordell is cooking pig tails for Mason, making sure to give them “the aesthetic of fingers cut at the joint.” Yum.

“Finger food!” Mason exclaims with glee like this is the most original joke anyone’s ever uttered.

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He tells Mason to imagine nibbling on Hannibal’s fingers while he watches.

“Oh, poetry, Cordell. Poetry,” Mason says, while he tries the food. I’m slowly getting a better picture of Cordell’s character, and so far my list includes face masseuse, amateur chef, amateur poet, yes man, and supreme creep.

After Mason rejects all of Cordell’s culinary attempts, they settle on Peking Duck as a suitably horrifying Hanni-meal. Oh, and we get to see the Peking Hanni-duck in Mason’s dream because Mason literally dreams about conquering and eating his enemies like a fucking nerd.

He gets roused from his pleasant dream by a call notifying him that Pazzi screwed up the bounty. Alana, Margot, Mason, and Cordell all gather in the Evil League of Evil’s Control Room to talk alternative cannibal-catching strategies.

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They settle on bribing the whole police department because the best way to solve a problem is to throw money at it, and the best way to catch Hannibal is to throw a veritable army at him. (Omg, will my Mads’ Hannibal: Fury Road idea come to fruition??)

Meanwhile, Bedelia prepares to drug herself when Chiyoh strolls in through the front door with a big ass gun. Bedelia, obviously taking note of the big ass gun, correctly assumes that Chiyoh is there for Hannibal.

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That’s the real line. Isn’t that just the best?

They establish that Chiyoh is Hannibal’s “family” and Bedelia is Hannibal’s “psychiatrist.” Mercifully, no one is anyone’s “nakama” in this scenario so we don’t have to try to figure out that word again.

“You’re like his bird,” Chiyoh says. “I’m his bird too. He puts us in cages to see what we’ll do.”

Thank God for Chiyoh. I was frankly disturbed by the lack of animal metaphors in this episode, but I can always count on Chiyoh to bring her A game.

Chiyoh says that she was there when Hannibal grew up, but she doesn’t want to kill him, she wants to cage him (a fitting enough form of revenge, I guess). Bedelia wonders if Chiyoh isn’t Hannibal’s biggest mistake and ruminates on this revelation for the briefest of moments–

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She does that. A short time later, after the drugs have taken effect, Will and Jack come a-knocking. She lets them in and they question her about Hannibal. Neither believes that Hannibal brainwashed her, but Jack is rather impressed by her ability to stick to her alibi whilst high as a kite, while Will is 100% done with her shit. The whole scene is a fucking delight.

While Jack and Bedelia are distracted with talk about how Mason Verger bought the entire police force, Will batmans himself out of the room because his internal Hannibal sensor notified him that their highly anticipated meeting time is nigh.

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Over at the Vergers’, Margot gives Mason a sitrep on the whole buying an entire police force thing. Surprisingly, it seems to be going rather well.

Mason tells Margot that his biggest regret was taking away her ability to have children. Mason pls. “You weaponized your uterus,” Mason says. “You shouldn’t have been waving it around like a loaded pistol.” Margot drily agrees that she brought it on herself, but she’s rolling her eyes so hard I fear for her eye safety.

Mason then goes on the say phrases that I had hoped never to hear uttered by Mason Verger, including “loads of viable sperm” and “viable uteruses” and “parenting classes.” *shudders* He wants them to be a family again. Margot is unimpressed.

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She then goes off to read her brand new copy of Sperm Harvesting for Dummies.

Over at the Uffizi Gallery, where the Meeting of the Nakama has been preordained, Hannibal is sitting in front of Botticelli’s Primavera, coping with his loneliness the way I would cope with my loneliness if I had any artistic sensibilities: by drawing erotic fan art of the characters from Hannibal.

Will wanders in and sits down next to him. They smile adorably at each other.

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Ngl I got a little emotional during this scene on my re-watch. The background music that echoes Bloodfest from the end of Mizumono IS. NOT. HELPING.

“If I saw you every day forever, Will. I would remember this time,” Hannibal says. With a huge smile, Will says that it’s strange seeing Hannibal in front of him (yeah, I know the feel, bro), and that he wanted to understand Hannibal before seeing him again.

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Hannibal asks Will how he differentiates between his past and future. “Before you and after you,” Will answers. This, incidentally, is how I measure time as well. Everything before Hannibal vs. everything after. According to the Fannibal calendar, we are currently in Year 3 AHP (three years after the Hannibal premiere).

Will says, “You and I have begun to blur.” Oh good, I thought those were just my tears that I was seeing. Will goes on to say that every crime of Hannibal’s feels like one that he’s guilty of, that they’re conjoined: “I wonder whether either of us can survive separation.”

This type of relationship, boys and girls, is what ecologists like to refer to as obligate mutualism, while psychiatrists call it good old-fashioned codependency. I personally like to refer to it as UGH STOP THIS IS TOO MUCH HELP IT HURTS BUT LIKE IN A GOOD WAY??, but to each her own, I guess.

They limp out of the Uffizi gallery together to go get shot at by Chiyoh. She shoots Will with a sniper rifle as he pulls a knife from his pocket. Will Graham is not having a good day, but honestly it hasn’t been his worst.

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Next, there’s a scene that ostensibly involves kaleidoscopic, abstract sex between two women, but could also just as well be Alana and Margot doing arts and crafts together with their shirts off. I still am not entirely sure which it is.

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But, wait. Alana and Margot didn’t even know each other a couple of episodes ago and never showed any interest in each other, and NOW THEY’RE MAKING SWEET SWEET CONSENSUAL ARTS AND CRAFTS TOGETHER?? THIS IS RIDICU–

Wait, what was that, Rafiki?

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Well, if you say so.

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Huh. I see your point.

Afterwards, as they’re getting dressed, Margot asks if Alana has any experience harvesting sperm, as one usually asks of their partner right after having sex with them.

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Meanwhile, Bedelia and Jack are being questioned by the police, who have presumably all been bought by Mason Verger by now. Damn, he moves fast. We meet a corrupt Italian police officer whose name we never learn, and Bedelia continues to maintain her damsel in distress act:

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The corrupt Italian police officer lets Jack go, but keeps Bedelia for questioning.

Over at Sogliato’s house, Hannibal is preparing to remove the bullet from Will’s shoulder.  Before he gets to it, he puts the knife Will dropped in his hand and says, “You dropped your forgiveness, Will. You forgive how God forgives.”

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Hannibal sticks a syringe in Will, while Will protests weakly. Okay, Will’s day has definitely taken a turn, but still not the WORST day he’s ever had.

After some trippy Hannibal/Will-merging visuals, a clean and patched up Will sits at the dinner table/ is tied to his chair at the dinner table, while Hannibal feeds him soup. Hannibal says that he regrets leaving Italy, and that he would have liked to show Will Florence.

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“Soup isn’t very good,” says Will, completely ignoring Hannibal’s sentimental ramblings. Since he can’t fight back physically, it looks like Will is gonna do his feeble best to insult Hannibal’s cooking. But the soup is to make Will tastier for Hannibal (naturally).

While this is happening, Jack and Chiyoh get on the elevator at Sogliato’s apartment building together, but Chiyoh quickly makes a quick beeline to the stairs when she realizes that they’re headed to the same place.

That leaves Jack to enter the apartment alone. He finds Will sitting alone at the table. Jack walks up to Will and gently shakes his shoulder. Will looks up slowly and says, “He’s under the table, Jack.” Right as he says that, Hannibal pops out from under the table (for that is indeed where he was) to slice Jack’s Achilles tendon.

Wow, Will. Thanks for the timely warning. I know you’re drugged and extremely confused, but you gotta get your head in the game, son. THERE IS A CANNIBAL WHO HIDES UNDERNEATH FURNITURE ON THE LOOSE.

Over at the Fell residence, the sleazy, handsy, corrupt Italian police officer/amateur bounty hunter continues to question Bedelia. She drops her act a little and tells him that Hannibal and “his friend” will be “somewhere no one is supposed to be.”

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Meanwhile, the dinner party from hell continues over at the place where no one is supposed to be, but where everyone seems to be anyway. Both Will and Jack are sitting at the dinner table now, drugged and immobile, while Hannibal makes pleasant dinner conversation.

“Jack was the first to suggest getting inside your head,” Hannibal says to Will as he takes out an ornate box. “Now, we both have the opportunity to chew quite literally what we’ve only chewed figuratively.” Ah, it looks like Hannibal is also aware that the best way to defeat Will Graham is to get literal on him.

Hannibal takes out a buzzsaw and brings it close to Will’s head. Jack says what we’ve all been saying since Year 1 AHP.

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And then he makes a face that we’ve all been making since Hannibal took out the buzzsaw.

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Hannibal starts sawing away at Will’s skull. Okay, fine. This is without a doubt Will Graham’s worst day ever. At least he’s drugged out of his mind, so he bears all of these proceedings with aplomb, as if getting his head sawed open is something that happens to him all the time, like getting psychoanalyzed or being shot at.

After some brief scenes of trees and pigs, we are transported to Muskrat Farm where Hannibal and Will (skull still intact, thank god) are hanging upside down from their feet, while facing their final boss Mason Verger.

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NEXT TIME ON HANNIBAL: Hannibal and Will face their greatest obstacle yet! Will an outside threat be what they need to start trusting each other and work together to become the truest of nakama? Yeah, probably not.

Rating: 9/10

By arreef

Hello my name is Rabiul Arreef, come visit my blog site for some fun! theghettocorp.com.................................. I also run an amazing Tumblr page come see for a few laughts! http://thekingofqueens.tumblr.com/

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