I love to look at myself and I think I am the prettiest girl ever. Usually when I make statements like that it turns people off, making them think that I am conceded. That is a statement I necessarily do not mind because society is pretty inconsistent with their opinion of how people should view themselves. An example being ideals on body types. On one hand you want me to be this healthy gym rat with a great body but on the other you advertise the McDonald’s 2 for $2.50 meal.
This has left me with the idea that I probably should live majority of my life to my own agenda when in comes to my appearance. When I was younger I really hated my hair and so did people around me. It was long and that was good but it was puffy and unruly and my mom hated to do it. So I permed my hair which is my biggest and only regret, even as an existentialist.
As I grew older I found put about the black is beauty movement (check my tumblr for more info “bantu-nots” #shamelessselfpromo). With that also followed my style, I started viewing myself as iconic. After that followed my ironic statements giving myself high regards for my looks and saying I’m the prettiest girl, and the more I said it the more I believe it. Don’t get me wrong, me saying I am the prettiest girl does not mean you cannot also be the prettiest girl. My acknowledgement of my beauty is not seen in the lack of your own. So even if you see me in the halls and think “She not all that” you have every right to have that opinion, it is your truth. Just know that in my opinion I love the way I look.
This was hands down the hardest project in the sense attention to details. Practice and more practice the video was a big help because I would have been lost. Photoshop is a fun app to play around with but if you do not know what you are doing it can be very complicated. I love playing call of duty zombies this image down below is the newest map release I made the title move left to right and the entrance sign made it pop out. The lights in the back ground I was trying to make it move left to right like a light show. Finally the zombie I made it try to walk closer to the players. This project was fun I watched the video probably 30 times to fully understand it. I still need to work on my clone stamp tool I just cant seem the get a good grip on it to make the image clear.
For my first assignment I decided to choose a writing assignment called A Letter to You as a Child. I didn’t feel like writing a letter to myself at a young age like 10, so I decided to go with the age of 17 (right before transitioning into college). I chose this assignment because I was able to briefly discuss something that bothered me about a friendship that I used to have and how I would have prepared myself before heading to college.
How are you doing? I know you may not believe this but my name is the same as yours. In fact, I am you, well the future version of you that is. I am writing you this letter to let you know how things are here in the future, and what you can do to make it better. I am living in the year 2017 which makes me 21 years old. You are currently 17 and you are preparing yourself to begin college soon. I sense that you are nervous about a lot, I mean who wouldn’t be. I felt the same way too when I was your age. You’re more or less worried about whether or not some of your friendships will continue after graduation which is understandable. Before you go off to college I have one favor to ask of you. That is to not force the continuation of friendships after high school, especially with Yves. As soon as graduation was over, I was going those extra miles that she was not even willing to go herself for the friendship. What is worse is that I would make excuses for it just to make myself feel better, although I knew things were not going to be the same. Deep down I know you feel the same way too about the friendship. It went from talking every day to talking once a week, and then to talking only on holidays and birthdays. To think that someone you would consider your best friend would go to college and forget all about you after a year basically sucks. Even after two years nothing has changed and I still reached out to her to hang out during the breaks but she was always “too busy” to either reply to text message or came up with a reason as to why she was unable to hang out. After a while I got tired of being that person trying to mend a friendship, especially because I did not know what made it take a downfall. Basically what I am asking of you is to not believe her the days leading up to graduation when she insists that you and her will remain friends after graduation, she is lying to you. Don’t expect a lasting friendship with someone who is not willing to meet you half way.
For my second assignment I decided to choose an animated gif assignment called Celebrating Too Early. I used references from Harry Potter and Finding Nemo for the gifs I have created. I did this assignment to help familiarize myself more with creating gifs. For the Harry Potter gif I used Imgur, since I was more comfortable using it and it allowed me 15 seconds to work with. For the Finding Nemo gif I used Giphy because Imgur was not allowing me to use the youtube link. The downside of Giphy is that it restricts you to only 10 seconds, but I am glad that there was an alternative to Imgur that still allowed me to get the job down.
After doing my Photoshop experiment, I had to decide what else to post about for this week. I realize this class is so fueled by creativity that I wanted to post the most creative thing I’ve ever been apart of . I created my own song called “Death Prone” in 2015. It’s a song about my experiences with anxiety disorder and that feeling of impending doom. As well as, me looking into the perspective of an old friend who was dealing with depression and harmful addictions at the time. I guess though we were dealing with different situations which distanced us, we were connected through that feeling which is why I wanted to use to perspectives on it. Me and my producer Rene Derobe went so hard to put our true emotions into this song. We aim to make music that describes mental illness in a candid, and nuanced way.
The video in particular meant a lot to me as I found a director who I admired who heard the song and wanted to create a short film based on it. He lives in Estonia and it helped accentuate the brisk cold winter vibe of the song. I like the video tells a different story than the song itself, and is connected mainly through the aesthetic and could be seen as metaphor for the struggle between the girl in verse 1 and the guy in verse 2. I love the surreal Twilight Zone feel, and it reminds me of a bit of Narnia with the trees with the tone of Series of Unfortunate Events series I used to watch as a child.
The best part of all this project was the “Perspective Gallery” where I sent my song to multiple artists all over Tumblr and asked them to draw the song how they saw it in their head. It was a beautiful experiment. I got to work with my favorite artist Helice Wen as she also took a great liking to the song as well as many other artists ranging from professional to hobbyists who draw as their forms of therapy. I love seeing how my song morphed into all these different styles but each were inspired by the song. It showed me truly how art could interpreted and inspire things you could never expect.
Helice Wen, Kyriakos Papageorious, G.C Cuervas, BatOrchids, David Slebonick, Dayita Derora Dharnima, Evan Delany, Gerta Oparaku, and FlamingYon all worked together to produce this gallery of artwork which were all used as alternate covers for the single allowing the listener to choose their own perspective or create their own to be put in the gallery.
It was an amazing time of my life and I’m working on a new song I’m really excited for (Life Alt). I plan to make it even bigger than Death Prone with a whole new concept and art direction. It’s so insane I can’t really talk about it until it gets closer to release. Learning from directing a project like this helped me to evolve as a person.